This month we speak to Sue Haile, Women’s Aid Helpline Manager for the Freephone National Domestic Helpline (run in partnership with Refuge)
What’s the most important piece of advice you have given to your children?
I’ve learnt over the years that the last thing that children want is ‘advice’ from their parents. They accept and often appreciate the ground rules for living with you but they will never accept your advice willingly whether it’s forced on them or not and it can cause too many upsets if you keep on at them.
So I wait for my children to ask me about things and I talk through with them whatever it happens to be and suggest or highlight things they may not have considered.
I do think they listen to me but I know they don’t always pick up on my suggestions because they are individuals with their own ideas, ambitions and goals.
At the end of the day I know I can trust them because they are all well balanced people; they know right from wrong and they would never intentionally hurt anyone. They in turn know that I will always give them all my love and support however things turn out.
How do you believe women can achieve inner confidence and self-esteem?
It’s not easy, especially as you come up against people and situations throughout your life that appear to be determined to knock you back. You have to keep on believing in yourself no matter what and always remember to try and look after yourself and put yourself first occasionally.
You have managed to turn your life around, do you think that anyone can change their life, or does it take a certain sort of person?
I do believe that anyone can change their life but I also know how difficult it is when you are at your lowest point. Having good friends and a supportive family is a bonus but it’s down to the individual. It can be a long climb back but it is so worth it!
What does wisdom mean to you?
Wisdom to me is learning by your mistakes and using your experience to help others. Corny maybe, but so true.
What wisdom do you bring to your everyday life and work?
I’m sure there are many people in my life who would say that at times I’ve been less than wise and also that my knowledge and experience is small by comparison to others. I wouldn’t argue with that but nevertheless I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t use my experience to try and help others who are in the same situation that I once was.
What makes you laugh?
Green Wing – hilarious and so well acted.
What are the main benefits of being 50+?
I am so glad that I’m the age I am and that I have the freedom and confidence to say no when it’s needed.
Do you have any unfulfilled ambitions?
Not really as I think pinning all your hopes on one particular thing can be quite damaging if it doesn’t happen. I prefer to continue to welcome all opportunities to do things that I’ve never done before if I want to and to enjoy more of the ones that are tried and tested.
Is there anything you know now that you wish you’d known when you were younger?
Probably too many to mention but they are not worth dwelling on as I don’t think it’s healthy to regret things. It’s much better to learn by your mistakes and try not to repeat them.
What does beauty mean to you?
These are well used sayings but so true - ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ – we all perceive beauty in different ways and ‘never judge a book by its cover’ – often what’s on the outside doesn’t follow through to the inside.
How would your friends/colleagues describe you?
I’d hate to think but you’d have to ask them!
If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?
I’d need six wishes as I have six children!!
What is the best piece of advice you could give a woman experiencing domestic violence?
Talk to someone about it; someone you can trust – a friend, your employer, the National Domestic Violence Helpline, your local Women’s Aid service. You will find that people won’t judge you, they won’t look down on you, they won’t feel sorry for you – they will support you and help you get the information you need to change your life and stop the violence. Remember that the violence is not your fault but also remember that research has shown that domestic violence doesn’t get better – it almost always gets worse.
0808 2000 247 - Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline, Run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge.
Read previous interviews:
Ceril Campbell
Joyce D'Silva